First Love

In the past my forays away from God, lengthy death defying journeys, were substantially driven by struggles with repetitive sin issues. Because of the futility of my efforts to resist the desires that were dragging me down and the guilt and shame I was feeling of my repeated attempts at presenting myself before a holy God with my issues, I took the easier seemingly more painless route ... persue my sinful life without Him. The failure really was my lack of understanding of how God sees me

I was recently speaking to someone about my past experience of falling away from God and returning to connect with Him during times of crisis only to walk away after His response (the relief came). Eventually I became sick of my "betrayal" and asked that He "make it" that I wouldn't do that anymore. He responded directly ... the result was a sustained crisis.

I have often expressed a fear that if my life became too comfortable that there was a danger that I would fall away. What I instantly discovered while testifying was that the Lord has faithfully and carefully restored and created a love affair between us that will withstand the test of circumstance. I am very close to complete abandon. I no longer need to testify to that fear ... although I need to heed His warning ... my First Love.